I Feel So Exposed: Writing Through the Fear That Stops You
Visibility feels vulnerable. But naming that fear might be the very thing that helps you keep writing.
Everyone remembers how it felt in school when the teacher pointed you out or asked you to read aloud from your work: how your stomach clenched, your hands shook, or you’d turn red with embarrassment. Being visible doesn’t feel good sometimes. As we become adults, we get better at managing our fear and anxiety, but that doesn’t mean it disappears.
To be visible is to be vulnerable—and that’s true whether you’re writing memoir, nonfiction, or fiction.
Nonfiction writers worry they won’t be seen by colleagues as “expert enough” to write their book. Surely others in their field are more qualified! Worse, people will think they’re seeking attention.
Fiction writers fear that readers – or worse, their peers – will be critical of their writing ability. Or that they won’t be taken seriously as a “real writer.” Does this sound familiar?
“What if I get bad reviews?”
“This isn’t literary enough.”
“Serious writers don’t write books like mine.”
Memoirists, in particular, face vulnerability early in the writing process. Sometimes, sharing our writing is an emotional risk. I worked with a writer once who was certain her personal experience with abuse and suicidal ideation would shock family and friends when they read her memoir. It was not something she ever shared aloud. We spoke about what that would mean for her if her relationships were affected. Ultimately, she decided to face her fear around exposure—because keeping her truth inside came at a greater cost. Her fear, in the end, became her fuel, and she wrote her truth clearly and courageously. But there was an excruciating period where she had to grapple with the feelings of vulnerability.
When fear puts on a mask
Fear of visibility doesn’t always announce itself—it often disguises itself as busyness, perfectionism, or endless planning. The signs include:
“I need to do more research.”
“One more revision and then I’ll share it.”
“It’s not the right time.”
The result? A manuscript that never gets finished—or stays in the drawer.
Fear also shows up as silence, in writers who haven’t told anyone else they’re writing a book, even though they’ve been dreaming about it for years. Their fear? “What if I’m not good enough?” Or “What if I don’t finish it?”
Oh, the terrible things our minds tell us!
The fear of being seen is real—and it’s common. But it doesn’t mean you’re not ready. It means your story, your message, your characters… they matter to you.
Valid reasons for vulnerability
Some writers have good reason to be cautious—past experiences, professional roles, or social norms have taught them to stay quiet to protect their reputations or avoid harm.
Writers facing systemic barriers—because of race, gender, disability, or identity—may never have had their voices prioritized or centered in storytelling. Sharing untold stories can invite scrutiny, criticism, and even trolling. Speaking up means risk, sometimes real risk if you’re speaking out against the people who hold power in society.
Yet, writing can bring change, both personal and societal. But for those exploring marginalized identities, personal histories, or social justice themes, the line between storytelling and advocacy can feel risky. When the memoirist I mentioned above decided to focus on the truth, not her fear, it was a turning point. For years, medical professionals dismissed the intensity of her experience, treating symptoms instead of listening. Writing helped her reclaim her power and her voice.
Working through the fear of visibility
Don’t ignore your fear if it is interfering with your writing. It can quietly sabotage your book—before you’ve even begun. If you are losing momentum, giving up on a draft, worried you are an imposter, or holding back on sharing your work, ask yourself why.
If fear is the culprit, acknowledge it. Thank your body and brain for protecting you and then step forward into the fear. Ask yourself what you need to feel safe in your writing. Explore it. If it’s too scary to do it on your own, a therapeutic professional may be able to help you do this work while protecting your emotional health.
On your own, you can start small. Here are 5 ways you can move forward:
Have a conversation with someone who gets it. Maybe it’s your writing group or maybe it’s a close friend. Just talking about it out loud can lessen the fear.
Practice receiving feedback. Share your writing with a critique partner, with friends, or at open mic nights.
Write a letter to your reader, telling them how committed you are to delivering this book into their hands.
Lower the stakes. Show up and be visible in other ways. Share your thoughts in your blog or on socials.
Engage a book coach to keep you accountable and keep you tied to your purpose.
And then, when you’re ready, keep writing your book.
How a book coach can support you
You don’t have to wait until you’re fearless to write your book—you just need strategies, support, and a reader-centered reason to keep going. Your book coach can guide you through your fear, helping you to clarify your goals, reconnect with your self-confidence, and keep writing even when it’s hard. Here’s what it might look like:
In a coaching session, you might explore which parts of your story feel most vulnerable—and how to write through them with intention.
A coach can help you reshape your book’s structure to feel more manageable or suggest strategies for when to share (and when to hold back).
If you’re stuck in perfectionism, a coach can help you set deadlines and commit to “done,” not “perfect.”
But one of the most powerful ways you can address your fear is to stay rooted in your purpose for writing your book in the first place. If you haven’t spent time doing this yet, a book coach can help. Those of us trained and certified by Author Accelerator have exercises to guide you through this step — because writers get to the finish line when they know why they are writing and what they want to say.
If you need a book coach to help you stay focused, you can explore the Book Coaches Canada directories to find the right coach for you (we have coaches in memoir, nonfiction, and fiction). Book a discovery call – most of us offer an introductory call for free – and explain how your fear of visibility is stalling your project. Your coach may have just the right strategy to help you move through it and into a final draft.
DINAH LAPRAIRIE is an Author Accelerator-certified book coach specializing in non-fiction and memoir. She helps people with big ideas write big-hearted books for their communities. If you want to focus on your readers (instead of your fear), you can download her free PDF workbook, “7 Key Questions to Ask About Your Reader Before You Write,” when you sign up for her newsletter. Her website is www.dinahlaprairie.com
“Serious writers don’t write books like mine” is what I tell myself every time I apply for a grant, or a residency, or anything where I feel like I’m going to be compared to others. It’s such a paralyzing thought!
Dinah! This is exactly what I need and what I was talking to another writer about just this week. Thank you for putting it so clearly.